I have put off writing my monthly update for a while now. Honestly, I am just frustrated and embarrassed by how the first half, no, the first 20ish days of March went. I don’t really know why, but I found myself in a big funk the first few weeks of March. I wasn’t myself and was feeling really, really down. I do not like admitting this because honestly, how can I complain about my life? I love my family, my pets, my house, I have good health, etc. I really should not complain. But here I am! I have this unfortunate ability to take some minor thing that might go wrong and let it spiral out of control. That could be a number I see on the scale (yes, I hate to admit that), feeling bloated, eating too much, drinking too much, and so on. I’ll let that one feeling (even though I KNOW it is insignificant and will change) pick itself into my thoughts and tear down so many other things about me. Between the lack of sunshine, this dreary weather, brown landscape, wind and not doing much socially in March, it kind of came crashing down. Finally, on March 21, I said no more. I have 10 days to get it together and end this month feeling positive, healthy and happy. I can do this!
So this month has been down, down, down BUT ended up. I am feeling great, happier, lighter (emotionally) and the warmer weather has certainly helped as well as doing a few social events with friends. I didn’t gain any weight, even when I was feeling down on myself and not eating the best. My workouts have gone great overall. I have been doing the same kind of mix for a few months now so I am ready to switch that up starting next week. One thing I did focus on this month for me was facials – either at the salon (or whatever it is called) or doing cheap ones at home. It gives me at least 15 minutes to relax and just chill. I cherish those mini treats!
I’d love to say I can eat in moderation every day of the week and have it balance out, but I am still looking for that. My food is where I struggle and probably always will. I can exercise for hours. I do a lot of times, actually. I love to run, bike, do plyometics, try new workouts I find online, etc. That part is NOT difficult for me. I love to move! But I find myself saying it is OK to eat an extra cup of Cheerios because I really pushed it on my workout. Well, it probably is fine. BUT…I am still trying to shed these last DAMN 10 pounds. #*($@& all the curse words. It’s so hard!! I mean I know that it isn’t hard – cut the food and snacking and I’ll see results. But I feel OK here, my clothes fit well, hubby says I look good, and I feel good so that is where the hard part comes in. I go through periods of time with really great focus and determination and then quick lapses but those lapses are where a few hundred extra calories are really going to add up. I teeter between being fairly strict and just living life and enjoying myself.
Top left is January, top right is February and bottom is yesterday. I should have tucked in my shirt. The biggest change I can tell is my bloat and puffiness is gone and that feels nice.
Sometimes I really get caught up in the Groundhog Day effect. Anyone else? I love my life, I do! But sometimes all I can think is, get up, work out, shower, breakfast, work, walk the dog, clean the house, cook food, laundry, etc. like life is just an ongoing checklist of chores. My husband and I really try on the weekends to do things that add value to our lives (not that work doesn’t, but let’s be honest, it is still work) and break up that monotony. I don’t know if others feel like that or if I am doing something wrong? Hopefully this will improve a bit with the weather and getting outside more. I feel in a rut right now though and need to mentally turn things around. Good thing is, I know I am capable. I know my MOM thinks I am capable and I have my husband and sister who know I am capable too. They wouldn’t lie to me so I’m going to keep working on ME. I’m about 12-15 pounds down from the beginning of the year….I’d love to get 10 more down. (Keep in mind, I am 5’11” so 12-15 pounds on me is very different than on most women who are shorter and certainly some of that was water weight from holiday pigging out.) I feel like my muscles (not that there are many) are more defined now. These last 10 lbs. are my evil crutch, vanity pounds, whatever you want to call them. If it happens, I will be thrilled, and if it doesn’t, my main focus is to have a FUN and ACTIVE spring and summer with my friends and family. That is truly the most important. I am looking forward to fresh foods, getting outside and weekend getaways. This will be my last monthly recap in my effort to lose weight. I am going to keep working on getting more fit and hopefully those two will go hand in hand!